The Journey Thus Far

It was approximately two years ago that we began a journey that has radically changed our lives. Coming out of a highly toxic environment, I had to ask myself if I wanted my children to grow up surrounded by people that would demonstrate faith is spoken, yet barely lived. There is plenty of community, but not a lot of integrity or following Jesus.

I’m as committed to fostering a culture of honest, vulnerable discipleship as I was two years ago. What I’ve learned, however, has surprised me.

It Takes Time

I know how to foster the building, the show, and the service. Gather the volunteers together, point them towards a topic, craft the music and order of service towards a point, and preach a message that is engaging, Bible-based, and challenging… but not too challenging. We hit all the right notes that leave people challenged and filled, but not driven to action. We’ve taken the cutlery away, and we’re offering the bottle.

There’s plenty of good in that culture. Corporate worship, singing, a sense of community, and a common purpose all come to mind, and I could fill pages of the good.

But does it produce disciples of Jesus?

That is the question that haunts me. We’ve taken the apprenticeship of Jesus, and we’ve made it palatable for the masses, without asking if we should.

It took Israel 40 years in the desert to be ready to enter the Promised Land. Jesus spent 40 days in the desert to begin his ministry. Paul went missing for over a decade before he advanced into his missionary work. What is my hurry?

The past two years have been about learning patience as Jesus works the faith out in me.

There’s Beauty in Silence

My wife returned to work recently. That gives me plenty of time in the chaos of children to reflect, pause, and listen. In a world that is filled with music, busyness, and more, slowing down is incredibly hard to do. It’s here that my inner voice and pain surfaces.

You’re a failure… Look, more people who leave… Who do you think you are?… God doesn’t really care about you… This is all doomed for failure.

Those thoughts and more float to the surface, rippling up any sense of serenity that I attempt to muster. My soul squeezes itself and frantically scans for any egress to get out of this uncomfortable reality.

This is where God meets me.

I have always been at work in this. The people and calling are mine. Let go and trust me to work. I have adopted you as a child. The Kingdom is advancing.

Even as I push my two kids on the swings, with times of laughter and joy, there is a loneliness that settles in like the cool fall weather. At times of my life, I would have viewed this as something to be fixed and avoided. Now, it is something that I am learning to embrace as God works in my soul to instill Himself.

In the same way we bundle up with jackets, socks, and proper footwear, my soul is learning to run to Him with complete honesty. Like Elijah experienced in the desert, God is not here to scold me for my lack of faith, but to sustain me with the very things that I need. He’s willing to demolish the idols in our lives so that we can drink deeply of the real water of the Spirit. Then, He sustains us for the journey ahead to meet him on the mountaintop and asks simply, “What  are you doing here?”

The Last Two Years

Despite a season of fall in my life, there is a great hope for what God has done, is doing, and will do in my city. For neighbours to be equipped to offer the Gospel to others, as they discover the Gospel for themselves.

I have needed to learn over the past two years that there is no conjuring up this kind of discipleship. Its genesis is with God, through me, and then outward. I can only live authentically, invite others to join alongside, and let the Spirit do the work.

It has been a journey inward. Signs of support and people who are watching will come and go, but God is the one who will walk alongside. I need to learn the Gospel first in my own life, and surround myself with others who will speak that Gospel into one another.

My timing is inconvenient, but God’s is perfect. I would have picked a different path entirely in this season of our family life, but God will work out His plans, in His timing.

Look for the ways God is at work around you. I can focus on the big, bombastic signs that make me feel good, but it is often in the small conversations, the little shifts in relationships, the events in others lives that we see real change. If I’m focused on the forests, I will miss the trees in front of me.

Don’t be afraid of the inward thoughts. They are honest, open, and vulnerable. We need to slow down and allow God to work on the hardest parts of our lives if we are going to be apprentices.

He wants to spend time with you. Don’t wait. Move from performance, to practicing the way of Jesus.